Infinity #1
Creative Sketch Series Visualizing Important Life Lessons
Selected Sketches
Wendy has carefully chosen certain life moments to provide insights into the inspiration behind the artwork.
Infinity #1 focuses on the challenges and fears encountered over the four years, enhancing the celebration of triumph over darkness and the development of self-confidence.
Another set of selected sketches in Infinity #2 delves into the details of profound and meaningful experiences in the artist's life.
I still feel sad, my heart feels empty. I can't think of anything, I have no energy to do anything, I just want to sleep. When I'm asleep, I don't have to think about anything. The beautiful scenery outside this window seems irrelevant to me; my mind can't grasp anything anymore.
Infinity #1-3
Whenever I try to raise the office chair's height, it seems like others effortlessly get it right, but mine is either broken or takes a while to adjust.
I always find myself lagging behind, as if in the simplest tasks, I need to put in extra effort, while others navigate through without a care.
I've noticed I struggle with low self-esteem in my work relationships. I tend to attribute this to Asian culture, and honestly, I dislike this aspect of myself.
I believe I can be more confident, open, and assertive in advocating for my rights, rather than shrinking back in fear of negative judgments from others, as I often do.
Infinity #1-9
For the past two weeks, there hasn't been much work, and with the upcoming May Day holiday, this week has been quite idle.
Surprisingly, during this free time, I've been experiencing a sense of anxiety, a feeling I believe has been conditioned over time.
Throughout my 22 years of academic life, there was always something to do – study plans, classes, note-taking – it felt like there was never a moment to rest.
As I write this diary entry, a sudden image pops into my mind: I jot down my thoughts, turn them into a blog, and share them publicly. Whether it serves as living evidence or a form of self-healing, I enjoy writing, so why not? Everything can start from there.
Infinity #1-11
Recently, I've been watching a lot of videos by Frank James* about the 16 personalities.
I've found that delving into my personality has been tremendously helpful. For example, as I'm about to start a new job next week, I realized after a long while that I've started biting my lips again, and by the time I noticed, it had already been two days.
I think I never truly understood that my anxiety stems from my personality's dislike for mundane aspects of life. I also thought about how taking the bus in the morning, deciding on lunch, or even learning Korean would make me incredibly anxious.
Now that I know the reasons, I can strengthen the weaker parts of my personality and see these trivial matters as necessary components to achieve larger goals.
I feel like I understand myself better now, and I'm more adaptable and at ease.
Infinity #1-13
* Frank James' YouTube Channel features content on various topics related to MBTI personality types. In a specific video titled "INFJ Stress: What Overwhelms INFJs (and Handling It)," he delves into the stressors that may overwhelm individuals with the INFJ personality type and offers insights on how to manage and cope with them.
Today is my birthday, December 14, 2020. In the morning, I received birthday wishes from my family, and in the afternoon, I got wishes from friends in Hong Kong. While at work, I didn't say a word, as if hiding something, and even worked overtime. On the way home, I felt more and more exhausted, and upon returning home and seeing the pitch-black room, I burst into tears. I cried loudly.
I'm 25 years old this year. The winter of 25 feels especially dark, and the nights seem unusually long. I even need to see a psychotherapist. I told the therapist that I feel like I haven't taken good care of myself. I genuinely don't know what's happening to me; during the consultation, I couldn't pinpoint any specific events. It feels like a result of long-term accumulation. What's wrong with me? I still haven't figured it out.
Even scarier is that there's another version of myself in my mind, yearning for an ending like a tragic hero. It must be dramatic, astonishing, tragic, and sorrowful. I crave this kind of scenario, which is more exciting than a mundane, lengthy life. It brightens my eyes.
Knowing that getting better means a more mundane life, tasteless like plain water. Ugly, not beautiful, not mesmerizing. Do I only get that beauty in poetry and songs?
Infinity #1-14
I'm currently in the phase of considering resignation, but I haven't made a final decision yet. Perhaps it's because I'm hesitant, having never made a decision leading into the unknown. When you don't know what the next step is, there's a natural reluctance.
Maybe this hurdle at 25 is like being chosen by a shooting star – once you receive it, there's no turning back. It's also a blessing from the sky. Luo Zhenyu* mentioned that everyone experiences this, to varying degrees and in different ways, and it's called growth. It's a chasm between your subjective and objective worlds; falling into it is a setback, and climbing out of it is growth.
I'm grateful for this mission received at 25, as it prompts me to reflect on the past 25 years, what has happened, and to look back. Starting to look back enables me to move forward more positively. I hope the days ahead get better, and as life gets longer, the days will get better too.
Infinity #1-15
* In the concluding episode of the fourth season of the 2017 Chinese show " QiPaShuo (“奇葩說”)," hosted by Luo Zhenyu, he offered a unique perspective on growth. Luo Zhenyu's outlook on the nature of growth emphasizes that it transcends simple improvement; instead, it involves a process of becoming more complex. He employs the analogy of a trench situated between one's subjective and objective worlds, illustrating that falling into it represents setbacks, while climbing out symbolizes authentic growth.
Continue to Infinity #2